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“You are …!” Unveiling the Dark Sides of Praise

by | 16.Oct. 2023 | New Articles, Communication, Family and children


Author: Christian Rook

Art: Philippe Ramette




Imagine a shopfloor where the teamleader only praises the operators who consistently deliver good work while overlooking the effort and improvement of those who are struggling. This neglect of genuine recognition can discourage struggling person and perpetuate a culture of comparison and judgment.

Imagine, an employee who consistently receives praise for his/her work may eventually become complacent and stagnate. Without constructive feedback and encouragement to take on new challenges, their growth and potential may be hindered, ultimately affecting the overall success of the team.

Praise is often seen as a positive form of communication to show appreciation and recognize achievements. However, it is essential to acknowledge that praise can have its darker aspects and unintended consequences.

Let’s explore the negative effects of praise, the judgment it brings, the hierarchical undertones, and the need for alternative forms of communication to express appreciation and respect.

Praise often comes with an implicit judgment attached to it. When we praise someone, we inevitably create a comparison, suggesting that their accomplishment is superior to others’. This creates a sense of competition and can undermine collaboration, fostering an unhealthy environment where people relentlessly seek recognition rather than focusing on growth and self-improvement.

Praise can reinforce hierarchical structures within organizations or social circles. When praise is bestowed by someone in a position of power or authority, it magnifies the existing power imbalances. This not only stifles creativity and innovation but also limits the confidence and contribution of individuals lower in the hierarchy, as they may feel their achievements are not as valued.

Praise can be misleading, as it often focuses solely on the external outcome rather than the process or effort involved. This can lead to a superficial understanding of someone’s achievements, neglecting the hard work, dedication, and personal growth that went into it. Consequently, individuals may feel misunderstood and undervalued, which can be demotivating.

Praise can also hinder personal growth and development. When we constantly seek praise, we become reliant on external validation, rather than cultivating an intrinsic motivation for our work. This dependency can stifle creativity and discourage taking risks, as individuals fear failure and losing the praise they have grown accustomed to.

To forge stronger connections and foster genuine appreciation and understanding, it is crucial to explore alternative forms of communication. Instead of solely relying on praise, expressing gratitude and providing constructive feedback can be more meaningful. By offering specific acknowledgments of what was done and highlighting the effort, we can foster a deeper sense of appreciation and respect.



Related articles:

Feeling Not Good Enough: How To Recognize And Heal It In Its Roots

How To Overcome the Fear of Making Mistakes

How To Overcome Social Rejection And Awkwardness


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Kosjenka Muk

Kosjenka Muk

I’m an Integrative Systemic Coaching trainer and special education teacher. I taught workshops and gave lectures in 10 countries, and helped hundreds of people in 20+ countries on 5 continents (on- and offline) find solutions for their emotional patterns. I wrote the book “Emotional Maturity In Everyday Life” and a related series of workbooks.

Some people ask me if I do bodywork such as massage too – sadly, the only type of massage I can do is rubbing salt into wounds.

Just kidding. I’m actually very gentle. Most of the time.

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