10 Key Rules For Communication In A Relationship

  Every relationship has its problems and it is not realistic to think we will always have an understanding, agreement and an idyllic relationship with a partner. A relatively common problem is when one person expects that they shouldn’t have to express their needs clearly, but that the partner, if he or she loved them, […]

How To Overcome Social Rejection And Awkwardness

The instinct to belong Human beings have an instinctive need to be accepted by and feel connected to others. We are singularly unequipped to survive by ourselves, and working together as tribes was essential for our very survival as a species. Through most of human history, and occasionally still in the present times, being different […]

How To Stand Up For Yourself

Protecting one’s own personal boundaries and finding balance with other people, whether family or strangers, and often in subtle ways, are everyday parts of a human life. Testing and pushing on others’ boundaries is normal in a relationship of a child to a parent, and is still very much present among adults, too. Some people feel their […]

Communication Styles: Directing And Informing

  Among many other details when it comes to relationships and communication, it’s useful to be aware of the difference between two basic ways to express a wish or a request: directing and informing. Directing style expresses a wish, a request or a demand directly: “Shut the window”, or more gently: “Shut the window, please”, […]

Are You Critical Of Others?

  Criticism can have different causes, but one often overlooked is fear. Is it difficult for you to set boundaries? Do you have trouble saying “No”, or do you avoid conflicts? If you doubt your ability to defend yourself, you might expect people to know in advance where your boundaries are, and respect them without […]

An Advice For Women Who Want To Be Taken Seriously

  American society seems to be more divided than ever these days, and one of those divisions is between women seeking to be respected and macho “meninist” backlash. The whole society is steeped in two seemingly opposing, but similarly traditional influences upon women; one is religious pressure on women to be compliant and traditionally feminine; […]

5 Reasons Why I Hate Manipulation

Quite often, when discussing or reading discussions about manipulative marketing and other ways in which individuals cheat other people out of their hard-earned money (or time, or energy, or anything), I see people admiring skillful manipulators. Many will describe successful manipulators as “smart”, “brilliant strategists”, basically as people to follow and model. Some people are […]

Parenthood, Control and Guilt

  The need to control Some of the tasks of responsible parents are to teach, direct, support and, in some situations, control their children. But if a person gets stuck in this role and applies this attitude to adults around them, they will create stress and conflicts for themselves and others, however good the intentions. […]

How To Recognize Emotional Blackmail?

Manipulation by definition presumes covert attempt to control others, usually involving twisting facts and using words in ways that might be difficult to distinguish from honest communication. That’s why people are often confused whether they might be manipulated or not. In fact, it’s not uncommon for manipulators to accuse their victims of manipulation – which, of course, is just […]

Non-verbal and Subtle Communication

  The more we work on noticing details of our communications with others, the more we start to notice how much we usually miss. There are so many messages the person we talk to will send through very small nonverbal signals, the tone of their voice or their choice of words. Especially when people may not […]

Communication, Manipulation and Need for Power

  I have noticed, from time to time, books and workshops that are advertised with bombastic promises such as: ‘take control in all communications’, ‘get people to do things you want them to do’, ‘ develop magnetic attraction’ and so on. Everything we do influences other people, even without our knowing or meaning to. The […]

Setting Boundaries

  Ideals and traditions Many writers suggest ideal behaviors which people should strive to develop. Many people want to live up to spiritual ideals such as helping others, kindness, generosity and sharing. They often forget, however, that most people they meet will be at a rather low level of emotional maturity and relationship awareness. People who live […]