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Могут ли традиционные гендерные роли работать?

от | 4.Авг. 2024 | Семья и дети, Общество

традиционные гендерные роли

 

By traditional gender roles, many people presume that the man works outside the home to earn money, while the woman takes on the roles of mother and housewife. (Throughout most of human history, this wasn’t actually the norm, as women also had to work to ensure the family’s survival in addition to managing household chores.) Such gender roles make the woman dependent on the man for many of her basic needs, while also adding extra pressure on the man to earn money. Such imbalance often leads to loss of respect and trust, and can easily result in power abuse, including physical abuse.

The woman may feel like a slave, working all day without a salary and perhaps enduring disrespect and abuse on top of that. She may feel infantilized, imprisoned in her home, cut off from opportunities to explore her potential. The man might resent the financial imbalance and may dismiss the value of the woman’s work.

Дисбаланс власти и возможностей в традиционных гендерных ролях может привести к эмоциональным и коммуникативным проблемам, даже если обе стороны руководствуются благими намерениями. Например, женщина может прибегать к придиркам, манипуляциям или изображать жертву из-за отсутствия других способов влияния. С другой стороны, мужчина может ответить пренебрежением, неуважением или уходом, чувствуя, что ему не хватает равного партнера.

Проблемы усугубляются в традиционных патриархальных обществах, где женщины, как правило, не получают достаточного образования, поскольку предполагается, что они останутся домохозяйками. Отсутствие образования используется как оправдание для того, чтобы клеймить женщин как менее способных и относиться к ним как к гражданам второго сорта. Кроме того, необразованные женщины с меньшей вероятностью станут для своих детей примером для подражания.

Как мужчины, так и женщины зачастую сильно ограничены в выборе партнера в традиционных обществах, где существует мало возможностей для выяснения отношений и совместимости до брака. Кроме того, им может быть трудно покинуть несчастливый брак.

 

Влияние традиционных гендерных ролей на эмоциональное здоровье детей

Children born into such marriages often witness exploitation, power games, emotional coldness, disrespect, and various forms of abuse. They are likely to model parts of those behaviors. Witnessing traditional gender roles, little girls are often taught that they cannot fulfill their dreams unless a man is willing to do so for them. Little boys are taught to be competitive, aggressive, and power-hungry to be able to support multiple people with their earnings. They might also learn that it’s normal that they have more freedom and less responsibilities than girls.

Furthermore, children are likely to take for granted the parent who is with them all the time (mother), while idealizing the parent who is absent or distant most of the time (father). They might resent the mother’s constant struggles to discipline them, while admiring the father’s financial power and independence. Since adult people see the world through the lens of what they experienced in their childhood, they are likely to project their feelings for their mother and father onto women and men in general.

In traditional patriarchal families, it’s also very common that a lonely, unfulfilled mother will turn to a son as a substitute partner (Эмоциональный инцест). The son may feel privileged, but in the same time pays a high price by losing his own identity and boundaries. Such a mother can be very jealous of her daughter in law, and may try to keep her son’s love for herself. She might also, sadly, project her own self-disdain and self-hate onto her own daughters and even granddaughters.

 

Когда традиционные гендерные роли могут работать?

Can traditional gender roles ever work to the benefit of all? I have seen it work well a few times, but more often, I have observed the negative outcomes described above. For such a relationship to succeed, the man must genuinely respect the woman’s work and consider it equally valuable as his own. The woman must genuinely enjoy housework and childcare and have few if any other ambitions. The man should feel good with the responsibility of being the sole provider.  The woman must be okay with having no financial security of her own and relying on her partner for money. Both partners need to possess excellent communication skills and maintain these preferences over decades.

In modern society, the man also needs to have an above average income to be able to support both his wife and children on a single salary. Otherwise, women who are not satisfied with their husbands’ income may put pressure on them to earn more, which can become a source of continuous strife. Some men with low income can feel inadequate, or even unworthy of getting married if their salary is not high enough.

Хотя некоторые семьи могут добиться успеха благодаря взаимному уважению и искреннему согласию с традиционными гендерными ролями, они являются скорее исключением, чем правилом. Чаще всего такая динамика становится питательной средой для недовольства, увековечивает устаревшие гендерные нормы и вынужденную зависимость.

ИМО, те, кто стремится ограничить женщин домашним хозяйством и заботой о детях, должны также стремиться ограничить мужчин только тяжелой физической работой, чтобы, по крайней мере, было равенство в разочаровании и неразвитом потенциале, и все могли бы жить долго и счастливо в вечном каменном веке.

 

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Косьенка Мук

Косьенка Мук

I’m an Integrative Systemic Coaching trainer and special education teacher. I taught workshops and gave lectures in 10 countries, and helped hundreds of people in 20+ countries on 5 continents (on- and offline) find solutions for their emotional patterns. I wrote the book “Emotional Maturity In Everyday Life” and a related series of workbooks.

Some people ask me if I do bodywork such as massage too – sadly, the only type of massage I can do is rubbing salt into wounds.

Just kidding. I’m actually very gentle. Most of the time.

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