Humiliation Rituals

Something strange happens to people when they are part of a group. Even people who, in private, do not want to be cruel can behave very cruelly if they are following the group. One specific form of such cruelty is discussed more and more often in the media: “humiliation rituals”. Humiliation rituals are a vivid example of how human biology can be used to override individual ethics.

Imagine a young soldier, barely of legal age, not yet truly an adult, on his first day in the barracks. He stands in line with about thirty other young men. The sergeant shouts something like: “Look at yourselves — you’re just little girls! The army made me a man, and I will make men out of you!” The young soldier rolls his eyes to himself; the screaming is pretty ridiculous. Unfortunately, the sergeant notices his smirk.

For the next hour, the sergeant forces him to scrub the floor with a toothbrush. The other recruits are ordered to laugh at him and soil the floor in front of him. If they don’t, they are threatened with the same punishment. After enough time of humiliation, the young man is no longer angry — only desperate, hoping for relief. Finally, the relief comes. The sergeant orders him to stand up. He puts a hand on his shoulder and, in a gentle voice, says, “That will do, son. You’ve shown you can be a soldier.”

Imagine a girl aged seven or eight in a religious education class. Her mind is lively, inclined toward questions. She is used to other teachers praising her for being curious. But something in what she is hearing confuses her. Finally, she raises her hand and asks: “But if God is pure love, why would He want someone to burn in hell forever?”

The religion teacher looks at her with wide open eyes. She tells her to stand up. Then she says to the rest of the class: “Look at Helen — she thinks she’s smarter than God’s messengers. Let us pray that God frees her from the sin of pride.” The prayer lasts ten minutes. Helen must stand the entire time. The other children follow the prayer, afraid the same might happen to them. At the end, the teacher strokes Helen’s hair and takes her hand. “You were good. I know this was difficult, but I’m doing it for your own good, to help you free yourself from ego. Your soul needs to be saved. Try in the future to use your mind in God’s glory, not against Him.”

Rituals of humiliation are most common and most obvious in rigid hierarchical structures such as the military and cults. But they can exist, in various forms, in any tightly connected group of people, such as schools, workplaces, stricter religious communities, and even families and romantic relationships.

They can also exist on the level of an entire society — for example, the historical trial of Galileo, in which an already elderly and ill scientist, under threat of death, was forced to publicly renounce his own teachings. Or the “pillories” common in medieval Europe, where communities were encouraged to publicly humiliate offenders. The crime could have been theft or adultery, but also, for example, a woman opposing her husband or another authority. Even in modern online “cancel culture,” although some community reactions are justified, there are also cases of extremely petty collective abuse directed at anyone who does not pass all the “purity tests.”

An interesting question is whether mandatory covering of women’s hair in Islam could also be categorized as ritual humiliation. Logically, any symbol that on one hand removes individuality, and on the other carries severe punishment if removed, at the very least represents a constant threat of ritual humiliation. At the same time, such coverings symbolize submission and visible separation of women from men — which is rarely, if ever, for benevolent purposes. They are a constant reminder of the fragility of a woman’s social status.

To mention a current topic, it is easy to assume that rituals of humiliation were also an important part of Epstein’s recruitment of victims. In such cases, abusers usually choose victims who already lack internal (self-confidence) and external (social, family) support.

Rituals of humiliation usually contain very specific core and additional elements, each with its own function.

Core elements

ISOLATION

The victim is singled out from the group, while the group members are simultaneously made participants in the humiliation. This prevents the victim from returning to the safety of the group and encourages future obedience among group members.

EGO AND IDENTITY DEATH

The leader focuses on a particular quality in the victim (the soldier’s pride, Helen’s intelligence) and turns it into a source of pain and humiliation. This can create a lasting association in the victim’s mind between the two. Logically, in the future it becomes harder to use those resources without emotional pain.

In some cases, the purpose of humiliation is to destroy the victim’s sense of identity as much as possible, often by forcing them to behave against their nature. In some subcultures, such as certain military environments, sexual violence is used for this purpose. By removing autonomy and dignity, a void is created that is then filled by hierarchy and group identity.

Once a victim is forced to do something they consider shameful, they may feel they can no longer return to the “normal” world. They become dependent on the group that accepted them despite the humiliation.

RELIEF AND REINTEGRATION

The reward for obedience is reintegration into the group, often accompanied by praise.

On a biological level, a brain flooded with relief may misattribute that relief to the abuser’s kindness rather than simply the cessation of abuse. This is also one of the key elements of the so-called Stockholm syndrome, which describes emotional bonding between victim and abuser. The abuser (authority) thus becomes the source of acceptance and approval, strengthening their authority in the victim’s eyes.

The victim may also feel gratitude toward the group for accepting them again, which strengthens group attachment.

The most successful rituals of humiliation do not result only in relief, but also in the victim’s belief that the humiliation was necessary to help them become a better or stronger person. As I write this, I think of all the people who say parental beatings “set them straight,” or that non-religious people cannot be moral. Some such victims may become abusers in the next generation, believing these rituals are necessary to achieve good outcomes.

Additional elements

MERCY / LOVE BOMBING 

Many perpetrators mix the relief phase with an extra dose of kindness and special treatment (sometimes even “love bombing”). The purpose is to show the victim what they can hope for if they submit, somewhat like advertising that sells hope.

An abuser might say, “I’m doing this because I love you / for your own good,” presenting abuse as an act of love. Vulnerable individuals, especially children and adolescents, may begin to lose trust in their own feelings and instincts.

Some abusers use special kindness or praise before humiliation, sometimes immediately beforehand, which emotionally binds the victim and makes cooperation more likely. The victim often hopes the humiliation is temporary and that the earlier state of favor will return. Instead of anger, they may feel they disappointed an otherwise benevolent authority. Abusers often exploit what they sense are the victim’s weak points — their deepest desires and needs.

ABSURD TASKS

If the victim must perform meaningless, degrading tasks — like scrubbing floors with a toothbrush — it sends a clear message that the abuser has power. The victim is not doing something meaningful but is forced to abandon their own will.

Similarly, though more subtly, illogical dogmas in various religions can serve to prove loyalty to the community, as I discussed in the article “Religion and Tribal Instincts.”

EXHAUSTION

Ritual humiliation may be preceded by physical exhaustion or sleep deprivation, or leaders may wait until the victim is exhausted and vulnerable. When the body is depleted, judgment and willpower are reduced, while emotional brain functions exert stronger influence.

LOSS OF PRIVACY

During humiliation rituals, victims are deprived of opportunities to process their emotions privately, preventing them from reconnecting with their values or alternative perspectives.

“SUBORDINATE LANGUAGE”

Victims may be forced to use degrading terms for themselves while addressing authority respectfully. Language becomes another tool to influence consciousness and the subconscious.

GROUP PUNISHMENT

Some humiliation rituals punish the entire group for one person’s mistake. The person responsible may be forced to stand and watch or otherwise be singled out. This further reduces the authority figure’s responsibility and subtly transfers it to the group. The group, without initiating it, becomes a source of pressure, fear, and conformity.

Impact on the group

Humiliation rituals affect not only the singled out victim but the entire group. Many people are simultaneously led to do something that conflicts with their emotions and ethics. To justify participation, they must undergo mental adjustment, often binding them more strongly to the group and authority.

Mutual feelings of fear, shame, and guilt can produce traumatic bonding in both victim and group members. This is also a common element of traditional military training, though evidence suggests it causes more harm than benefit.

The group experiences a “moral injury,” which can lead to emotional detachment (диссоциация) and negative worldview development. Having participated in abuse, members find it harder to condemn the abuser or see themselves as moral. To avoid self-hatred, they may convince themselves the victim deserved it. This inner conflict creates insecurity and self-distrust.

Some members feel relief at having someone to vent aggression on. Others who were previously humiliated may see it as fair that others experience the same. This restores a sense of balance and personal power — at another’s expense — which is why abuse often transmits across generations.

More empathetic members may experience secondary traumatization, with consequences similar to the original victim’s. The less empathetic ones may feel that humiliating someone else elevates them.

Why are rituals of humiliation used so often?

Because humans are highly susceptible to this kind of emotional control, especially when young. These rituals are therefore very effective and require far fewer resources than punishment or coercion alone.

For hundreds of thousands, if not millions of years, humans struggled for bare survival. That often required suppressing individual desires and complying to the group. Would little Grok attract danger by being too loud and careless? Would we survive winter if someone ate more than others? Would the tribe fracture if two men fought over one woman? Would one person fleeing in battle cause others’ deaths?

In survival conditions, internal conflict — even small deviations — could be dangerous. Many traditional cultures developed the belief that deviation threatened the entire tribe. Extreme expressions include honor killings or “witch” burnings. But if you read some books written a few centuries ago, you might be shocked to learn how absurdly elaborate social control and compliance could be, all the way to detail fashion choices.

With greater security and prosperity comes greater individual freedom — but that is only a very recent development. The question remains whether excessive freedom could again become dangerous, and how. We have already seen, in 1940s, where freedom to spread hatred leads. We are beginning to see where freedom to pollute or spread misinformation leads. But that may be a topic for another article. Here I will only repeat that, in every aspect of life, I believe in seeking balance rather than “all or nothing” extremes. No extreme is ever good in the long run.  

How to develop emotional resilience

Discipline without humiliation. Resistance to manipulation begins in childhood. Children whose will is broken through humiliation — especially when punished for telling the truth — learn not to trust themselves but authority. This often becomes a foundation for future vulnerability. Children need discipline and boundaries, but these can be achieved without humiliation or lies.

A reasonable approach to mistakes. Not allowing children to make mistakes also leads to shame and fear. Consequences are necessary, sometimes even punishment, but they can be reasonable and non-humiliating. Encourage learning from mistakes whenever possible — this builds healthy confidence. The same applies to adults.

Building critical thinking. Emotional resilience depends on developing psychological distance. We should teach children (and ourselves) to ask under pressure: “Why is this person doing this? Is their goal solving a problem, or manipulation?” Recognizing humiliation as a manipulation tool removes its power.

Developing external independence. The more you can rely on yourself and other support sources outside the humiliating group, the less dependent you will be. Independence sources include a source of income, useful skills and hobbies (gardening, for example), and supportive relationships.

Healing the victim: reclaiming yourself

If someone has already been subjected to ritual humiliation, healing involves reclaiming identity and self-respect. Such experiences create deep moral injury and a sense that one’s core is damaged.

Education about manipulation. The first step is recognizing that what happened was not “training” or “toughening,” but psychological abuse. Understanding this shifts responsibility back where it belongs — onto the abuser.

Restoring your voice. Abusers silence victims and undermine self-trust. Healing begins with expressing truth — through writing, therapy, or conversations with trusted people. Speaking your truth and receiving support weakens the grip of manipulation. Additionally, practice being in touch with your own feelings and dialoguing with different parts of yourself.

Physical and personal autonomy. Since humiliation often involves bodily control, returning to sports, hobbies, or nature helps restore the sense that you control your body. Also, revisit sources of external independence mentioned above.

Forgive yourself. Many victims feel shame for “giving in” or cooperating. It is important to understand this was a biological survival response shaped by evolution. Healing means forgiving yourself for not being “stronger” against strategies refined over millennia. Recognize that you were seeking belonging and safety, not doing wrong.

Unfortunately, social condemnation and victim-blaming often make healing harder. Many people believe they would be stronger in the victim’s place. This is rarely true unless they already developed strong emotional independence and support from childhood. Education about ritual humiliation is important not only to prevent new victims but also to help existing ones heal.