Emotional Health & Relationships © Martyn Carruthers
How can one person possibly make a difference?
Much advice for emotional and relationship problems is nice, simple and wrong.
Good intentions and kind advice so often result in unpleasant consequences.
We help people solve problems and make difficult decisions.
Life coaching is useful when you make simple decisions in controllable environments with single objectives. Our systems coaching is better for making complex decisions in difficult environments with multiple objectives.
Test your skills – here’s our Systemic Coach Exam!
People who attend our courses are either motivated to solve their own issues or to solve other people’s issues … or both. Many of our students wish to become helping professionals, while others want to be more resourceful in their own lives, perhaps occasionally helping friends, relatives and colleagues.
There’s no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love.
There is a scarcity of resolve to make it happen. Wayne Dyer
Those students who wish to help others may already have university or other training as helping professionals, or our training may be their first taste of coaching others. Many of our students are very well-educated in science, engineering or art, and want to add people skills to their expertise. We suggest that students consider their specialties.
Students who choose specialties, even if they change their minds, have more focus and motivation during the training. Here are the main choices:
|Coach Training||Personal Development||Specialty Training|
Do you want to do something truly worthwhile?
Help people solve emotional resistance to happiness and success in short times frames.
This is especially appropriate for therapists, counselors, etc
Learn our systemic coaching in eight 5-day workshops.
Do you want to improve your communication and relationship skills at home and at work?
We can help you increase your freedom from entanglements and relationship habits.
We can help you sort out some personal issues during demonstrations and exercises.
Do you want to coach people through special situations?
Do you want to supervise
Most of our specialty workshops
As your attitudes influences other people, your primary task as a coach or trainer is to manage your own emotions, especially frustration and irritation. The better you solve your own challenges, the faster and easier you can help others to solve theirs.
If you are motivated and you have credibility, you could enjoy free systemic training … by organizing our workshops. See Organizers
Anybody whose calling is to guide souls should have his own soul guided first, to know what it means to deal with the human soul. Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people. Carl Jung
Our training helps coaches provide effective coaching for people to solve a huge variety of emotional problems and relationship issues. We don’t use tricks or techniques, we teach ways to understand how people create their situations, what stops intelligent and motivated people solving their own problems, and how to coach people to manage their own emotions and solve relationship problems.
Is this you?
Many of our students have university education in psychology, psychotherapy or medicine. They may have so much knowledge … and so much to unlearn. Are you willing to put ineffective theories aside during while you learn other methods? You lose nothing and you can gain models of how people make lasting changes.
Sciences that focus on population statistics can become sciences of mediocrity.
We explore how people become innovative, effective, creative and magnificent.
We explore how ordinary people can duplicate expertise … in all parts of life.
We teach a big picture of our coaching and show how each step fits into that picture. We give many demonstrations and exercises in which students practice the skills required for each step. We discuss what happened in each exercise – and what could have happened. Then we do more demonstrations with the more difficult situations that were exposed during the exercises. People learn very quickly this way.
What stops people solving their own problems?
Do you want to learn practical systems counseling? Do you want to learn to plan coaching sessions, to make coaching contracts, to clarify difficult relationships; to manage guilt and conflicts; to control obsessions and end compulsions; to change toxic relationships and limiting beliefs; to deal with trauma and to change therapist damage? Advanced & Specialty Training is also available.
- Help people evaluate their relationships
- Provide appropriate relationship coaching strategies
- Learn to identify emotional expressions (not so easy!)
- Learn to identify relationship types and relationship health
- Learn how to access adaptive emotions to produce change
- Help people recognize their problems and potential solutions
- Learn appropriate skills for handling different emotional states
- Understand the role of emotion in dysfunction and relationship distress
- Understand relationships in the contexts of intimacy, identity and attachment
Our training can help you develop your skills in planning and implementing systemic coaching with individuals, couples, families and groups. Develop your skills in courses of increasing complexity, that follow our sequence of systemic work.
And here’s the coach exam!
Many people cannot answer the question, “What do you want?” clearly. Many people are entangled in relationships and cannot focus on personal goals. In this first segment of our coach training you can learn how to recognize many types of relationship problems and how to start clarifying those entanglements.
After clarification, most people can better discuss their goals, and plan to achieve their goals. For some people, this is all the coaching they need to move ahead in their lives. For others, systemic diagnosis provides a summary of which relationships need what sort of attention, which provides a basis for a systemic coaching plan and when you would be wise to refer people to other helping professionals.
On our Systems 1 training, you can observe many demonstrations with real relationship issues, and you can practice with other participants to build your experience:
- Relationships and systems theories
- How to quickly assess relationship health
- How to stay resourceful amidst chaotic relationships
- How to recognize emotional incest and codependence
- How success, health and relationships are interconnected
- How relationships evolve in a hierarchy of relationship types
- How to create and interpret a relationship matrix (family map)
- How to recognize relationship transferences and entanglements
- How to clarify relationships with living, missing and dead people
- How to select exercise partners for class homework assignments
- How to change entanglements with parents, partners and children
- How to identify which clients may not benefit from systemic coaching
- How to use systemic diagnosis to create a relationship coaching plan
Few people can define exactly what they want. People more often know what they don’t want, or what they should want, or have vague, abstract goals. Many people show verbal and nonverbal objections to their own goals, and often show conflict about the achievement and consequences of their goals.
If coaching is to be truly goal-directed, then you need some way of coaching people to find well specified and congruent (supported by conscious and unconscious communication).
Our Systems 2 training offers you ways to coach people to use both conscious and unconscious resources to make effective plans for achieving congruent goals. You can observe many demonstrations concerning problematic goals, and you can practice with other participants to build your experience:
- How to ask goal questions
- How to change self-criticism
- How to respond to untimed goals
- How to respond to negative goals
- How to respond to abstract goals
- How to respond to conflicting goals
- How to respond to manipulative goals
- How to respond to philosophical goals
- How to recognize and respond to flattery
- How to recognize toxic relationship bonds
- How to deal with criticism from other people
- How to respond to spontaneous trance during goalwork
- How to change “Yes-but” objections in ordinary conversation
- How to change “Yes-No” objections (simultaneous incongruence)
- How to recognize and respond to verbal and non-verbal objections.
Many people interrupt their sessions with descriptions of vivid nightmares or recurring dreams. Other people may be unable to answer questions about life goals without going into trance-like states.
Hence our Systems 3 training explores how to find life goals and how to continue goalwork in dreams and in trance. You will observe many demonstrations with real issues, and you will practice with other participants to build your experience:
- How to use mini-metaphors
- How to start goalwork in trance
- How to recognize identifications
- How to recognize major identity loss
- How to recognize spontaneous trance
- How to recognize toxic relationship bonds
- How to recognize identity conflict (complex conflict)
- How to change reality using isomorphic metaphors
- How to start and continue interactive metaphors (Dreamwork)
- How to coach people to end nightmares or recurring bad dreams
- How to coach a person to experience integrity (Soul of Soul Work)
- How to recognize ecstatic and transcendental states of consciousness
- How to stabilize integrity to change emotional incest, bonds and trauma.
- How to create isomorphic interactive metaphors to identify resistance
Systems 4: Abuse, Trauma & PTSD
Many people who cannot achieve their goals carry unresolved and often forgotten trauma. Until these trauma are managed, these people may act childishly in situations requiring maturity. They will likely sabotage themselves, damage relationships and continue to fail. The consequences of abuse, trauma and PTSD may be contextual, (e.g. a phobia) or existential (all of life). Trauma may create major identity issues (see Systems 6) and toxic relationship bonds (see Systems 5). Attempts to manage trauma without resolving identity issues and relationship bonds provide only short-term benefits at best. Our Systems 4 training provides you with effective skills for most life issues.
- Recognizing stages of crisis
- How to prepare for future unpleasant events
- How to transform negative emotions into motivation
- How to change trauma about disease and health issues
- How to manage phobias – and the underlying symbols and triggers
- How to help people recover lost or hidden resources – for the long-term
- How to coach people to evaluate and integrate emotions that they don’t like
- How to recognize the delayed effects of abuse, crisis and emotional trauma
Systems 4 was another fine piece of the complex and comprehensive system of Soulwork Systemic Solutions. I hope that this develops and spreads, so that it helps people to fulfill their lives.
Systems 5: Toxic Relationship Bonds
Many people feel compelled to repeat actions that they would prefer to avoid. Fixed ideas, compulsions and obsessions often indicate relationship bonds – deep limiting beliefs that pervade all parts of life. In Systems 5 you can explore the systemic structure of compulsions and obsessions as you learn how to repair the damage from deep relationship problems. In our early trainings, we called these thoughtforms. (Relationship bonds may even be called demons by esoteric, archaic and medieval authorities.) In Systems 5 training you can learn:
- How to differentiate between relationship bonds
- How to recognize seven types of relationship bonds
- How to limit the consequences of relationship bonds
- How to explore the consequences of bonded relationships
- How to replace toxic bonds with peaceful self-esteem, freedom and peace
After relationship bonds are resolved, we can better change emotional abuse and trauma. Together, Systems 4, 5 and 6, offer resolution for most relationship problems that cause emotional and relationship problems.
Systems 6: Identity Loss, Identifications & Identity Conflict
If people have deep unconscious resistance to long-term happiness; then endless encouragement or goal coaching cannot help them fulfill or even define meaningful goals. This training is about people who have lost access to their emotions and other qualities (identity loss), who have identified with others (identification) or who have complex conflict (identity conflict).
These systemic disturbances may be contextual (triggered by some internal or external event) or existential (all of life). Identity loss is associated with subtle or overwhelming emotions, or the lack of emotions. They are usually formed during family crisis or relationship chaos during childhood, but may remain dormant until adolescence.
In our training on identity loss, you can learn how to explore the various forms of identity loss and effective ways for restoring personal integrity. You will observe many demonstrations with real issues, and you can practice with other students to build your experience, as you learn how to coach people to manage:
- chronic dissociation
- chronic anger or rage
- chronic fear or anxiety
- chronic sadness or melancholy
- complex conflict (conflicts that cannot be managed by sequencing goals)
Extreme identity loss may be diagnosed as mental disorders. After identity loss is resolved, we usually help people change emotional trauma. Together, Systems trainings 4, 5 and 6, offer a complete service for people to solve entanglements that cause many emotional and relationship problems. (We estimate that 20% – 25% of Europeans and Americans suffer from chronic identity loss.)
We consider the issues of identity loss covered in our training to be an extreme form of relationship bonds. Lesser forms of identity loss are covered in earlier trainings.
Systems 7: Inspiration & Mentorship
You can learn how to evaluate and replace toxic role models and mentors. Help people choose inspirational mentors in all parts of life. Learn how to model and duplicate expert behavior, focusing on problem solving techniques. Learn how to coach people to build and fine-tune life-fulfilling goals.
Our inspiration and mentorship training includes ways to change the consequences of inappropriate mentorship from cults and cult-like organizations (see Exit Coaching), incompetent therapists and well-meaning authorities.
- Introduction to financial maturity
- How to start a systemic coaching practice
- How to coach people to manage some sexual issues
- How to evaluate and fine tune unconscious strategies
- How to do expert modeling of conscious and unconscious expert strategies
- How to recognize and change mentor damage (damage by therapists and educators)
Systems 8: Couple Coaching
As the consequences of even the best individual coaching can disturb a partnership, couple counseling is a wonderful way to complete a coaching program for people with committed relationships … ensure that individual changes support couple happiness.
You coached me for my chronic fatigue … your coaching was very effective … but as soon as I had energy again, I was in crisis with my (older) partner … My chronic fatigue was well suited to our retired lifestyle … thank heavens for your couple coaching! Italy
Triangulation can describe one partner trying to gain the coach’s alliance in influencing the other partner, or two family members victimizing a third (which we link to the development of chronic anger in children).
We help couples prepare for committed partnership, end relationship damage and, sometimes, coach couples to separate peacefully. Conjoint (simultaneous) coaching begins true systemic work, which we continue with the more complex family counseling, team coaching and community changework.
Our couple coach training includes:
- How to prepare couples for couple counseling
- How to notice and quickly change triangulation
- How to quickly uncover core partnership issues
- How to build and maintain trust with both partners
- How to coach people through separation or divorce
- How to manage transferences and core transference loops
- How and when to provide individual coaching to one partner
- How to set homework for couples between coaching sessions