Once you allow pain to crush and strip away all inner rigidity, self-deceit and societal lies, all excuses and fears, you are left with who you truly are and what is truly important.
Avoiding experience Did you ever keep quiet out of fear rather than standing up for yourself? Do you avoid trying something new in front of others out of fear to look foolish? Do you even avoid expressing love to your family because you fear emotional “weakness”? Avoiding potential emotional pain can make people shallow in […]
A quote from a client I was working with recently: “I don’t value myself, so if a girl falls in love with me, I automatically respect her less.” Let that sink in for a moment. Practically a whole novel is contained in this one sentence (as well as some admirable awareness and honesty). […]
Recently I had an interesting philosophical discussion about what “mature behavior” and “mature emotions” actually are, and according to which (and whose) criteria are they defined. Some of the criteria I already wrote about in the article “Emotional Maturity”: intensity of your emotions is appropriate to the external situation, you do not feel a need to humiliate […]
Compare your behavior with the behavior of an emotionally healthy child (although with the average upbringing most children lose their emotional health very soon): how much of that curiosity do you still have? … that playfulness… mobility… openness… energy… trust… joy of life…? Can you imagine bringing those qualities back into your life? These […]
At the root of much immature behavior is an urge to avoid unpleasant feelings. Practicing observing our feelings is the foundation of self-improvement – as well as being one of the most natural, simple and actually pleasant exercises of self-awareness. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is. You can practice this at any time, in […]
Every method of personal development that requires clients’ cooperation and emotional involvement, assumes that the clients will have adequate awareness of their emotions for the work to be successful. It’s unusual to find books or workshops that include a different possibility. In practice, however, this ideal is not always achievable. About 20 percent of […]
This is the first article I wrote for my early web-site, back in 2005, and still one of my favorites. In my late teens and early twenties, I spent a few years idealistically exploring New Age methods and communities. I met some very nice, smart and responsible people, but also many who were ready to […]