10 Key Rules For Communication In A Relationship

  Every relationship has its problems and it is not realistic to think we will always have an understanding, agreement and an idyllic relationship with a partner. A relatively common problem is when one person expects that they shouldn’t have to express their needs clearly, but that the partner, if he or she loved them, […]

20+ Essential Lessons About Falling In Love

About half of my clients come to work with me because of problems in love relationships, which means l have heard endless variations of love stories and love games. Most of these variations include people being carried away by childish emotions, ignoring the warning signals, betraying their needs and values, lowering their criteria, and, in […]

Trying to Get Back a Lost Love

  Feelings from childhood Being left by someone is hard both on our ego and on our inner child – often even when we are left by a person we didn’t really love all that much. Suddenly losing a source of human connection and attention, whether we appreciated it or took it for granted, usually […]

What Does Your Subconscious Believe About Love?

    If you ask yourself what did you learn from your parents about love – from each of them separately, as well as from their relationship – you could come to interesting insights. But our conscious answers are just the top of the iceberg, while most of our emotional patterns become obvious (or not) […]

Affairs: Who, Why, And How To Move On

The paradox of (in)security Deep closeness and understanding in a good lasting relationship is one of the best experiences in life. On the other side, the idea that we can “own” someone’s emotions, or that we can control life, is unrealistic and absurd. Yet the society often teaches us this is how things are supposed […]

What Happens When a Love Partner Is a Parental Substitute?

  Trying to change a partner   When I work with couples (and individuals, too), in their bitter criticisms of their partners I can often guess what a person wanted to say to their parents, but for whatever reasons couldn’t or didn’t dare. (Sometimes I can literally see their eyes lose focus, as if they […]

Values vs. Personal Traits

Most people choose intimate partners, friends and sometimes business associates based on their personal traits, rather than their values. We notice, for example, that a certain person is intelligent, funny, friendly, confident and similar. However, all those traits do not mean that such a person will value what we value – and values are what […]

Fear of Intimacy

  All children (well, all healthy children) crave their parents’ attention. “Mom, look at me!”, “Dad, let’s play!” If such and other expressions of desire for connection are refused in a cold or even aggressive manner, or if emotional connection is abused through manipulation and emotional blackmail, a child can develop a belief such behavior is normal and nothing much […]

Falling In Love With “Bad Guys” (And Girls)

  A significant number of men encourage each other to believe that women want dominant men who will overpower them and show them their place. It is true that women are somewhat more biologically attracted to confident, even dominant men (although there are plenty of opposite examples, too, and the cultural model of desirable masculinity […]

Attachment Styles and Disorders & How To Heal Them

  Adult attachment theory includes patterns of emotional attraction (related article: “Patterns in Love Relationships“), as well as immature emotions or age regression (“Emotional Maturity“), joining them into a systematic overview of several most common approaches to love relationships. The basic idea is that the way parents treat a small child greatly influences the way the […]

Why Unattractive Women Usually Have Happier Marriages

  Many women are worried about their looks. I don’t really have to explain much about it. Sufficient to quote someone from endless forums around: “I’ve never seen a woman who would be truly beautiful without make up.” Personally, I think it’s ridiculous. Many people wouldn’t, though. This is how being endlessly bombarded by photoshopped […]

Marriage: Love or Duty?

  Most people enter marriage full of ideals of mutual love and respect “until death do us part” and happy, smart and cooperative children. Life, however, is not quite so tidy and organized, so it often faces us with challenges, as if saying, “Really? Well, let’s see how you cope with this?” Almost everybody who […]