How To Truly Forgive And Be Forgiven?

  Why is it sometimes so difficult to forgive? Many New Age and self-help books say that, to achieve inner peace, we have to forgive people who hurt us. A common message about how to actually do it is something like: just decide to forgive! Or they might instruct you to repeat affirmations about forgiveness. […]

How To Live With Integrity

  Your integrity and your relationship with yourself are the only things you can truly own; the only firm point in universe you can have. If you compromise it, you lose trust in yourself and in future it will be more difficult to rely on yourself. That means losing the most important and the only […]

Turn Emotional Pain Into Passion And Inspiration

Once you allow pain to crush and strip away all inner rigidity, self-deceit and societal lies, all excuses and fears, you are left with who you truly are and what is truly important.

Are You a Flying Monkey? (And How To Avoid Being One)

What is “a flying monkey”? The expression “flying monkey” originates from the book “The Wizard of Oz”, in which a group of winged monkeys serves an evil witch and executes her destructive commands. In real life, it describes a person who was manipulated into tormenting somebody on behalf of the manipulator.  This term is most […]

Why the Need for Victim Blaming?

  When you read about people in trouble, or victims of violence or political circumstances… do you mentally find reasons why such things wouldn’t happen to you? “I’d do differently in such a situation…”, “In her place, I’d try to escape…”, “That’s just how those people are, why don’t they fight against oppression…”, or a popular […]

In Search of Acceptance

Did you ever feel fully seen and accepted – welcomed – just as you are, here and now? Perhaps you’d agree that it’s a feeling that rivals falling in love in some ways. Yet, not only few people in this world really have a chance to experience this, but few people even recognize it’s what they need […]

Marriage: Love or Duty?

  Most people enter marriage full of ideals of mutual love and respect “until death do us part” and happy, smart and cooperative children. Life, however, is not quite so tidy and organized, so it often faces us with challenges, as if saying, “Really? Well, let’s see how you cope with this?” Almost everybody who […]

Religion and Tribal Instincts

Some time last autumn, I was chatting with an acquaintance about toxic beliefs from childhood. He said he was surprised that many people avoid changing such beliefs, sometimes finding excuses, sometimes even reacting with hostility if they disagree with others’ opinions. I said (approximately): “It’s because we bond to our families with such beliefs, and on […]

Questions and Answers About Emotional Maturity

  Recently I had an interesting philosophical discussion about what “mature behavior” and “mature emotions” actually are, and according to which (and whose) criteria are they defined. Some of the criteria I already wrote about in the article “Emotional Maturity”: intensity of your emotions is appropriate to the external situation, you do not feel a need to humiliate […]

Who Has It Worse: Men Or Women?

This is, admittedly, a rather clickbaity title. But the article won’t disappoint. If nothing else, it’s easy to be aware of our own problems and not notice things other people face, and learning about them might help everybody be kinder to each other. For the purpose of this article, I’ll presume you live in a […]

Difficult Decisions

  Many times, resolving immature emotions, internal conflicts, and toxic beliefs can make  difficult decisions much easier. You might recognize, for example, that your partner is not your child, and it’s not your responsibility to make them happy. Or you might resolve toxic emotional bonds which made you fall in love with an incompatible person. […]

Stray Thoughts About Spirituality

  From time to time, I meet people who proudly proclaim that they don’t want to be around anyone who is not “spiritual enough”. Recently that got me thinking: but what does it mean? For some people, it might mean following a certain religion, or any religion. For some, it might mean believing in angels, […]