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Many women are worried about their looks. I don’t really have to explain much about it. Sufficient to quote someone from endless forums around: “I’ve never seen a woman who would be truly beautiful without make up.” Personally, I think it’s ridiculous. Many people wouldn’t, though. This is where being endlessly bombarded by photoshopped pictures brought us.

However, there is something that I’ve noticed observing people in life and in my therapeutic practice: while beautiful women might receive more attention, it’s often the average (and sometimes below-average) looking women whose marriages are usually much happier and long lasting.

Cynics might say it’s because such women demand less of men because they want to keep them around. There might be some truth in it, but in my experience, it’s certainly not the detrimental part of the truth. I’ve met some unattractive women with emotional issues including “borderline” syndrom; their husbands still treated them very well. It would seem that men who choose such women as life partners generally have good quality values: they appreciate the essence rather than the surface, the woman’s personality rather than her looks.

In such a situation, both partners are probably more realistic and less concerned about status and appearance. This makes for a good start! Quite a few not-so-good looking women told me about their partners’ kindness, consideration and patience. Often those are the marriages that are truly “till death us do part”. The surviving partner usually cherishes the memory of the departed one.

Pretty women are usually attractive to men who value their looks and popularity. They might want a “trophy wife”, or confuse sexual attraction with love. When we see a pretty person, it’s easier to not seek further than the surface. Such men might discover they don’t really like their wives’ personalities – or might not care one way or the other.

On the other hand, healthier and more balanced men might not even consider approaching a pretty woman, presuming she must have too many admirers already, or that she might be spoiled, or that she’d prefer somebody better looking. Sometimes true – often wrong. Strong and interesting identity is much more attractive than good looks or flattering.

So, ladies, if you think yourself not beautiful enough, this might give you more hope for your present or future relationships. Focus on projecting your personality rather than shying away from romance. Be your most intense self (in a good way!) Confidence, warmth and humor makes most people barely even notice one’s looks.

Consider going out without make up sometimes – perhaps that would be a good filter for potential partners! Not many men might be attracted to you without your makeup, no matter what they might proclaim in theory – but those who are, are more likely to be worth it.

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

- C.G.Jung

Kosjenka Muk

I’m an Integrative Systemic Coaching trainer and special education teacher. I taught workshops and gave lectures in 10 countries, and helped hundreds of people in 20+ countries on 5 continents (on- and offline) find solutions for their emotional patterns. I wrote the book “Emotional Maturity In Everyday Life” and a related series of workbooks.

Some people ask me if I do bodywork such as massage too – sadly, the only type of massage I can do is rubbing salt into wounds.  😉

Just kidding. I’m actually very gentle. Most of the time.

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